Eight Ways To Say I love you
by strangerbings
Summary: Seven times Chandler tries to confess his love to Monica and one time he manages to do it. Season 5 AU where Chandler and Monica are sneaking around but Joey doesn't find out.
1. Number One

Note: This is inspired by a short text called "Eight Ways To Say 'I love you'" by R. McKinley. Enjoy xx

* * *

I. _Spit it into her voicemail, a little slurred and sounding like the shot whiskey you downed for courage. Feel as ashamed as you do walking into work in last night's clothes. Wake up cringing for days, waiting for her to mention it._

* * *

"Ooh, look Chandler, ten o'clock!" Joey pointed out to him excitedly.

The music of the bar was unbelievably loud and the lighting absolutely terrible. Still, Joey seemed to be very enthusiastic about whatever girl he noticed to his right so Chandler indulged him.

"Yeah? Well go for it, tiger," Chandler encouraged him, sipping on his margarita. He briefly glanced down at his watch. Uh. 11:49. He hadn't noticed how late it was and internally winced. He had promised Monica he wouldn't be out too late but it seemed like the night had stretched on.

He'd have to come up with an excuse for Joey of course. He'd been fooling around with Monica since they got back from London and surprisingly, none of their friends had found out about them yet. He would like to keep it that way and was not about to blow their cover tonight.

"No," Joey laughed and shook his head. "For you silly! C'mon, you haven't gotten laid since you broke up with Kathy. I mean, sure, you're probably used to not be getting some as regularly as I do," Joey teased, while taking a gulp of his beer. "But still, I'm starting to feel bad for you buddy."

"Wow, you really do, huh?" Chandler bit back, and he would have been offended had he truly been in that situation, but Chandler had his own thing going on and he was… satisfied with it.

"Yeah, what are you waiting for?"

The girl was not bad looking. She was short, with wavy dark hair and clear blue eyes. She did have a pretty laugh and every time she smiled, two cute little dimples appeared in her cheeks. She was not bad looking, but she was no Monica.

"You know, she's just not my type," Chandler lied.

"Oh, c'mon, she's exactly your type!" Joey argued. " Except when _she_ laughs, I don't feel like blowing my brains out!"

"You know what?" Chandler faked a yawn. "I think I'm tired maybe that's why. Oh well, better luck next time."

Joey side-eyed him. "Alright, what's going on? Are you afraid she's gonna shoot you down?"

Chandler rolled his eyes.

"Because I could go out there with you, maybe flirt with her friend a little, seduce her and get us a double date," he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. "What do you say, huh?"

Chandler bit his tongue. He obviously couldn't tell Joey about him and Monica but he had to say _something_ , otherwise his friend would not stop bugging him.

"I'm, uh, I'm already kinda seeing someone Joe," Chandler admitted.

There was a pause, where Joey kept giving him this weird look before he burst out laughing. "Good one man, you almost had me there," he said, clapping Chandler on his shoulder.

"It's true, I've been seeing this girl ever since we got back from London," Chandler pushed on, his hands shaking, his heart pumping. Much to his chagrin, he started sweating.

"No, no, no, that can't be right, you're always around. I would've noticed if you were missing," Joey pointed out and man, he was right. That made Chandler even more nervous. He ran his shaking hand through his hair.

"It's a woman from work!" he grinned, mentally congratulating himself for this quick answer. He knew Joey had no idea what he did for a living and wasn't curious at all about the people working for him.

"Really? What's her bra size?" he said, nodding contentedly with this alluring look on his face.

"Joey!"

"But seriously, do you like this chick? You've been going out with her for months!" Joey noted.

Chandler thought about it. This was probably the longest relationship he'd been a part of, and strangely, for the first time, he was not terrified about it.

"Yeah, I really do like her," Chandler admitted with a sappy smile. "She's funny, she's confident and she's so beautiful. Plus, the sex is amazing," he added and smirked at Joey's low whistle.

"Wow, sounds like someone is in lo-ooo-ve," Joey teased.

"No, I'm not," Chandler half-heartedly denied.

He thought about Monica, back at the apartment, waiting for him to come home. She'd probably be washing the dishes Rachel let in the sink before she fled for her date. Chandler would come up behind her and wrap his arms around her slender body, hug her tight and smell her hair. He'd apologize for staying out so late and kiss the spot where her shoulder became her neck. Monica would forgive him and turn around to grab his face and bring him down into a passionate kiss and caught in the heat of the moment, Chandler would swore he'd never spend another minute away from her.

And just like that, Chandler realized that, out of all people, Joey was right.

"Oh no, you're right," Chandler panicked. "Oh no, what do I do, what do I do Joey?"

"Well, you gotta tell her. I hear chicks _love_ being told we're in love with them. And hey, I guess it's even better when it's true!"

"But how, when… _how?_ " Apparently, Chandler's brain decided to stop functioning. What an unfortunate timing.

"You should tell her now! Yeah, you could call her up and confess your undying love to her! Oh, you gotta do it now, I wanna be there!"

"Joe, I don't think-"

"Bartender, we need shooters," Joey called out.

All of a sudden, three little glasses with clear liquid were placed in front of Chandler and three identical ones in front of Joey. "Drink up man, I know you. You're gonna need it."

Chandler wanted to argue with that but came up empty so he decided to man up and drink the damn shots.

"Oh, I'm gonna hate myself tomorrow morning," Chandler moaned to which Joey simply laughed.

"Okay, now you're ready."

Chandler took a deep breath and fished out his phone out of his pocket. He dialed Monica's number as best as he could with his vision getting a bit blurry and hoped that Rachel was not home. Chandler looked over at Joey while the phone rang and gave his friend an uncertain smile when Joey raised both thumbs up.

When neither Rachel or Monica picked up, Chandler shot a quick, panicked look at Joey. "It's the machine!" he hissed.

"Leave a message!"

A message. Yeah, he could do that. That wasn't such a bad idea.

"Uh, hi Mon-" Chandler suddenly remembered Joey was sitting right beside him and listening to his every word. "Hi, _mon amour_."

"Nice, chicks dig French," Joey commented.

"I'm, uh, I'm sorry I'm out so late but I'm thinking about you. Actually, I'm always thinking about you because you're always on my mind. Not, not _literally_ on my mind 'cause that would be a bitch of a headache, right?" he giggled and chanced a glance at Joey who gave him a disapproving look.

"Right, right, um," he cleared his throat. "What I meant to say is that I'm crazy about you and every moment I'm not with you, I'm miserable. You make me so happy Mon- _mon petit coeur_ ," he nervously shifted his eyes to Joey.

"Okay, enough with the French." So he was oblivious.

"And I love you, I have for quite a while now I think," Chandler was smiling to himself. After a moment of silence, he added, "you don't have to say it back!"

"Dude, it's her machine," Joey reminded him.

"Right, right," Chandler sighed in relief. "I guess I just needed it to get it off my chest you know?" he bit his lip, at loss for words. "Well that's it, I'll see you soon." He paused. "Love you," he said again and finally hung up.

"That was awesome!" Joey cried. "You are definitely getting some once she hears it."

Chandler rolled his eyes.

"But honestly man, I'm happy for ya," Joey said sincerely and Chandler smiled warmly at his friend.

"Wouldn't have happened without you Joe."

"And the shots!" Joey added and Chandler simply groaned in response.

The truth was out there. And he could wait until tomorrow to deal with it.

* * *

(Chandler barged in the girls' apartment the following morning, holding his pulsing head between his hands.

"Mon, I need you to make that magic hangover cure. I am a dying man and this is my last wish."

Monica looked up from the couch, grinning and set her book down. "Well, good morning to you too, sweetie."

"Oh," Chandler groaned as he sat at the dining table and watched as Monica got up to make her way to him. "I'm getting too old for this. I'm never going out with Joey ever again," he wallowed.

"Sure you are," Monica smiled and pressed a quick kiss against his temple. "I'll get right on the magic recipe, just let me go to the bathroom first."

"'kay," Chandler replied miserably.

"Oh, and I think I have a message on my machine, can you check it out for me?" she yelled from the bathroom and Chandler reluctantly got up and walked the three painful steps to the machine and pressed the button.

Suddenly, the memories of the night came rushing back to him and Chandler felt as though he was gonna fall down, or throw up or both at the same time.

" _Mon- mon amour_ ," he heard the machine spit his words right back at him and before Monica could even flush, Chandler had erased it. He felt so stupid for having listened to Joey. He obviously wasn't ready to say it Monica yet and even if he was, he didn't want to say it over a stupid machine.

"Who was it?" Monica asked as she stepped out.

"No one!" Chandler answered, way too quickly. "It, uh, it was Rachel's dad, he wants her to call him back whenever she gets a chance," he lied, a nervous smile playing on his lips.

"Okay," Monica simply replied, peering into her fridge. "You like your eggs turned, right?"

Chandler smiled. "Yeah that's how I take them."

"Well mister, you may not be eighteen anymore but you can kiss that hangover goodbye!"

Chandler smiled once more as he sat right back at the table and engaged in a playful conversation with his girlfriend. He didn't have to say it yet.

It didn't mean he didn't feel it.)


	2. Number Two

warning: naughty material ahead. If that makes you uncomfortable, feel free to skip it. Enjoy xx

* * *

II. _Sigh it into her mouth, wedged in between teeth and tongues. Don't even let your lips move when you say it, ever so lightly, into the air. Maybe it was just an exhalation of ecstasy_.

"More wine?" Monica offered, her voice low and enticing. The look she gave Chandler held a lot more promises than just the drinks, but for the moment, Chandler settled for another glass.

"Yes, please, my dear," he answered, scooting closer on the couch so that Monica could pour the wine easily and without a spill.

Once the bottle of Merlot was safely back on the table, Chandler leaned in for what was meant to be a chaste kiss but as he pulled away, Monica followed him, pressing her mouth to his once again.

"Maybe we should set the glasses down," Chandler mumbled against her lips, not wanting to interrupt the kiss. "Wouldn't want to leave a stain…" he trailed off.

"God, you turn me on when you talk like that," Monica confessed but complied and pulled away from Chandler to set both glasses next to the bottle.

"Wow, the bar is so low, this is the easiest sexual relationship I have ever been a part of," Chandler remarked and shot Monica a sweet smile when she playfully glared at him.

"Have I told you the good news?" Monica asked him, her hand stroking up and down his thigh.

"No, but I've got a feeling you're about to tell me," Chandler retorted in his droll way.

Monica leaned in to trace the shell of his ear with her tongue, causing Chandler to shiver in anticipation. He shifted in his seat, feeling suddenly very hot and his pants seeming suddenly very… tight. "Rachel will be gone all night," she whispered in his ear and began kissing down his neck.

"Oh, really?" he asked, relishing in the pleasure of Monica's mouth on his skin. "Was there some kind of emergency?"

"Oh yes, there was," Monica confirmed, moving to straddle Chandler's hips. "I was very horny so I asked her to let me have the apartment tonight."

"That," Chandler's breath hitched with Monica's movement, "That's very noble of her."

"Are we still talking about Rachel?" Monica asked, slipping her hands underneath Chandler's shirt while kissing down his neck.

"Yeah, let's stop that," Chandler agreed enthusiastically, squeezing Monica's ass and then trailing his hands slowly up her sides, tugging at her shirt to get it off. "We don't need that, do we?" Chandler asked before discarding it to whichever corner of the living room.

Chandler wrapped his arms around Monica and pulled her flush to his chest, kissing her deeply and swallowing down her soft little moans. The air around them became heavy with lust and Chandler still couldn't believe this was really happening, even after so many months. The fact that he got to touch her, kiss her and hold her close was beyond him and he cherished every moment of it. He vowed to himself to keep in memory the way she shivered, the sound she made when Chandler kissed that special spot on the side of her neck, the form of her lips when she sighed his name.

They broke apart for air, panting and feeling way too dressed up for this kind of activity.

"Shall we take this to the bedroom?" Chandler proposed and with one swift movement, unhooked Monica's bra, causing her to squeal in surprise.

"How did you learn-" Monica began, in awe but Chandler cut her off.

"Living with Joey _does_ have some perks," he explained vaguely and got off the couch.

They both got rid of the rest of their clothes on the way to the bedroom and quickly made it under the covers to start up where they left off. Chandler rolled on top on Monica and pressed a hard kiss against her mouth, leaving her stunned, then moved on to leave a trail of kisses from the underside of her jaw, to her neck and down to her shoulder. He lightly stroked her thigh while his mouth found a spot in her collarbone where he gently bit down to leave a faint bruise.

"Chandler," she gasped and he could swear his name never sounded this good before.

His hand moved up, tracing the curves of her body and paused over her breast, squeezing it softly. The pressure caused Monica to shudder and Chandler latched his mouth on her nipple, feeling her shiver under him.

"Please," she arched her back, wrapping her arms around his neck to pull him even closer.

He fit his hand at the small of her back, pushing her towards him and allowed his teeth to graze her nipple, eliciting a moan from Monica.

"C'mon, do it Chandler," she pleaded through clenched teeth. She pulled him down so that her lips tingled his ear. "Fuck me," she whispered.

"Yes ma'am," he replied out of breath and fumbled in Monica's bedside table for a condom. He tore it open once he found it but was interrupted by Monica.

"Let me do it."

Chandler was not about to argue with that and he had to bit down on his lip to stop a moan from escaping his lips when she rolled the condom down his erection. She gave it a few strokes, pleased to watch Chandler tremble with desire.

"Mon," Chandler sighed as a warning and she immediately withdrew her hand, choosing instead to place both hands on the side of his face to pull him down into a kiss.

Chandler gripped her hip firmly and gave one deep, slow thrust, grinning against Monica's mouth as she loudly moaned.

Chandler kept going, trying his best to keep a steady rhythm instead of fucking her quickly into the mattress like his mind urged him to do. As good as that was, he had learned it was even better to take things slow.

He pulled almost all the way out before thrusting back in, harder than before and was rewarded in the form of Monica's nails scratching down his back.

"Chandler," she panted. "Baby, give it to me harder."

Her eyes were squeezed shut and her mouth open, not trying to hold anything back and Chandler had to close his own eyes to stop himself from cumming just from that sight.

"You sure you can take it Mon?" he teased, changing his angle and picking up the pace. That caused Monica's eyes to snap right back open, dark with lust.

"Yes, please Chandler, baby, please," she mumbled against Chandler's skin, a bit incoherently and he knew this meant she was close.

"I'm close," he groaned into Monica's ear and she simply nodded to tell him she was too, too far gone to form any words.

Chandler put his hands on her hips, gripping her tight and pulled her legs up to wrap his waist, fucking into her even deeper with this new leverage.

"Oh!" she cried. "Oh, Chandler, yes!"

Chandler could tell she had orgasmed because he could feel the muscles clenched around him, sending him overboard.

"Mon," he groaned, low in her ear and she turned her head to catch his mouth with her lips.

The kiss was open-mouthed and sloppy but the both of them were too exhausted to care. His brain still mushy from the absolutely amazing orgasm he just had, Chandler had little control over what came out of his mouth when he sighed "I love you" into the kiss.

It was barely audible, so much that Chandler wondered if he even said it, but he panicked nonetheless because of who he was, as a person.

He hadn't meant to say it, it was an honest slip-up, but Chandler would be lying if he said he hadn't thought about it. Ever since his night out with Joey, this was all Chandler could think about. Monica could be doing something as trivial as cooking, or making the bed or sipping some coffee at Central Perk and Chandler would catch himself thinking about how lucky he was to be in love with his best friend. Of course, this was usually followed by a series of made-up worst-case scenarios and a whole lot of sweat and anxiety.

He just couldn't tell her yet.

He had hoped that Monica hadn't heard but his sudden tensed body and non-moving mouth must have given him away.

"What?" Monica asked, still dazed from their physical activity.

"What?" Chandler repeated quickly, his eyes wide and nervous. "Nothing!"

"I thought I heard you say something," Monica said, confused about her boyfriend's strange behavior.

"Oh, that!" Chandler chuckled nervously. "Yes, um, I said thank you! 'Thank you' for another night of amazing sex," he lied with a wide smile he hoped was convincing.

Monica smirked. "Well, the night only just began mister," she murmured, a finger dancing down his chest.

" _I love you_ ," he thought to himself.

But he only smiled, softly this time, the one only Monica could see because it was his 'sappy' smile.

" _Your 'in love' smile_ ," Joey had told him.

"Well that's good," Chandler told her, stroking her arm. "Because I don't feel tired just yet."

He kissed her and promised himself to be more careful about the things that came out of his mouth. He would tell her eventually, but he would make it perfect.

For his perfect woman.


	3. Number Three

_III. Buy her flowers. Buy her chocolate. Buy her a teddy bear, because that's what every romantic comedy has taught you. Take her out to a nice restaurant where neither of you feel comfortable and spend the whole night clearing your throat and tugging at your tie. Feel like your actions are more suited to a proposal than the simple confession of something you've always known._

* * *

"Mon, where does that giant teddy bear come from?" Rachel asked, coming out of Monica's room with the huge stuffed animal in her arms.

Chandler turned around from his seat on the couch to face Monica who sat at the kitchen table, throwing her a pleading look to come up with a lie.

"Oh, uh, some guy from work gave it to me this week," she lied, somewhat convincingly. "Hey, what were you doing in my room anyway?" she demanded, trying to steer the conversation away from her huge bear.

Rachel cleared her throat, pushing a strand of hair behind her ear. "Well, I was _not_ looking to borrow one of your pair of earrings if that's what you're worried about," she answered vaguely, using what she must assumed was an innocent voice but the guilt on her face gave her away.

"Rach!" Monica cried out. "You know why I don't lend you stuff anymore!"

"No, no, don't worry! I couldn't get to your jewelry box because I was too distracted by this big cutie," she explained, hugging the teddy bear to her chest. "A guy from work really just gave it to you? Just like that?"

Chandler averted his eyes from the scene and hoped his cheeks weren't as red as he felt. Rachel was asking too many questions to his liking and it unnerved him.

"Yeah," Monica answered, avoiding Rachel's eyes. "I guess it was just lying around his apartment or something," she went on, aiming a nervous smile at her friend.

"Well I think someone has a crush on you," Rachel teased, grinning widely and coming over to Monica to jab her in the arm. "Why haven't I ever heard of this mysterious lover?"

Rachel's attention was thankfully uniquely directed at Monica, Chandler left forgotten on the couch like some old pillow or that sweater that had been lying around forever. She took absolutely no notice of his red-tinged cheeks or the sweat accumulated on his forehead. He almost reached for the sweater to pat himself dry but didn't want to attract any unnecessary attention to himself and decided to stay put.

At this moment, the door of the apartment opened up, the sudden movement making Chandler jump but the girls were too busy greeting Phoebe to ask him what was wrong with him.

What was wrong with him? Would it be so bad if the others knew? Of course, the past few months with Monica had been amazing, better than any other months he's ever lived. He was in an actual adult relationship and didn't feel the impending fear of commitment or suffocation, for the first time in his life. For the first time in his life, he was really, truly happy and kept his usual self-loathing to a minimum, something he thought he could never achieve. He had grown so much these past few months and that was all because of Monica, he had no doubts about it. So what if their friends knew?

Well, there was the slight possibility that with their relationship out there, in the open, everything could change and that thought terrified him and sometimes kept him up all night. Would Monica and him change around their friends? Would it lead them to their eventual fallout?

The others would also likely figure out how in love he was with Monica. Hell, Joey already knew even if he didn't _really_ know. Chandler couldn't risk having the others find out about him and Monica, only to have them run their mouths and tell her he's in love.

No, he had to confess his feelings to Monica before telling their friends.

"Oh, what is that?" Phoebe asked excitedly, pointing to the giant teddy bear. "Did loverboy strike again?" her voice dropped to a sensual tone as she wiggled her eyebrows.

"Loverboy?" Rachel exclaimed, slapping Monica on the arm. "What loverboy? Have you been hiding things from me?"

"There is no ' _loverboy_ '", Monica began.

"Oh yes, there is," Phoebe argued, turning her attention on Rachel. "Last week, I caught Monica trying to hide a huge bouquet of flowers."

He remembered that night Monica told him that Phoebe had seen her with the flowers. Chandler sunk down even further into the couch, suddenly wishing he could be invisible. He would stand up and simply leave the apartment, but he feared that would look a little too suspicious.

"Oh! That's why it smelled so fresh and spring-like in the apartment!" Rachel figured out. "You told me you had bought a new air freshener! Do you know how long I spent looking for that damn thing?"

"Look Rachel-" Monica tried to explain but was once more interrupted by her front door.

"Hey you guys," Ross greeted everyone, closing the door behind himself. "Oh, Mon, did you keep the box of fancy chocolates that guy from work got you? Because I think that if I send one of those to Emily, there is no way-"

"Chocolates?" Rachel and Phoebe cried out at the same time, eyes wide staring disbelievingly at Monica.

Chandler softly groaned from the couch, waiting for the sweet release of death.

"What, uh," Ross chuckled, looking around the room, a little confused. "What's going on?"

"Monica's got a secret boyfriend, that's what's going on!" Rachel revealed before Monica could even open her mouth to explain herself.

"What?" Ross squealed. "How did this happen- I mean, when-"

"Of course, it all makes sense," Phoebe declared and all head turned her way. "I mean, first you have the very incriminating bouquet of flowers sitting on your bedside table," she held up a finger, looking at every individual in the room, even Chandler. She held up a second finger. "Then there are the chocolates."

"The fancy chocolates," Ross added, squinting his eyes accusingly at Monica.

"Yes, that's right, thank you Ross, the _fancy_ chocolates," Phoebe continued and held up a third finger. "And now we find out Monica has a giant teddy bear hidden in her room. "Coincidence?" she paused for effect. "I think not."

The three of them began peppering Monica with questions, accusations and Chandler felt bad about Monica having to deal with all this. Still, this seemed to be the perfect opportunity for a quick getaway so he discretely stood up and started making his way to the door. He was halfway there when the chattering stopped and all eyes were on him.

"Hey, what about you Chandler?" Rachel asked and Chandler felt himself start to hyperventilate.

"What about me?" he repeated, chuckling nervously.

"Yeah, have you noticed anything related to Monica's love affair?"

Chandler caught his girlfriend's eyes, pleading him to stop this madness. He didn't want to seem suspicious though, so he joined the other three.

"Well, uh, Monica has been smelling awfully good these days," he winced, lamenting his terrible lying skills.

"What?" Ross looked at him as if what he just said was the dumbest thing he could have ever heard. Chandler panicked a little.

"You know," he chuckled, scratching the back of his neck. "Maybe she's been putting on perfume for her new boyfriend," he explained, trying to sound convincing.

A moment passed where no one uttered a single word and Chandler thought, _"this is it. This is how everyone find out."_ But fortunately for him, they all agreed, turning their focus back on Monica and Chandler let out a sigh of relief.

"It's true, you smell good!" Ross accused her, the two other girls joining him.

"Guys, I always smell good, come on!" Monica tried to defend herself but to no avail.

 _"I'll make it back to you,"_ Chandler mouthed to Monica when the other three all had their backs turned to him but Monica simply glared at him before dealing with her overexcited friends.

* * *

Chandler tugged on his tie, hoping that would help him breath a little better. He was pacing in his kitchen, picking at his suit and running his hand through his hair. He felt so stupid, all dressed-up and began to doubt himself.

Tonight was the night. He'd tell Monica tonight. All his feelings would be bare and out there, and then they would be able to tell their friends.

But what if?

What if it was moving too fast for Monica? What if she didn't say it back? What if she just didn't feel that way about him?

As all those questions and doubts crept into his mind, his tie felt too tight all over again and Chandler returned to his pacing. He had it all figured out: he had made a nice dinner reservation at that restaurant Monica could not stop talking about, something fancy that she would love. And then, as they'd wait for their food, Chandler would tell her that he loved her.

However, Chandler was fully aware of who he was and, knowing himself, he knew he'd end up screwing it up.

"Hey man," Joey greeted him as he walked through the door. He stopped for a moment, considering Chandler and then grinned widely. "Going out with your lady friend, uh?"

Chandler swallowed the lump in his throat and offered his friend a tentative smile. "Yeah, got a hot date," he said, trying to sound confident.

"Look at you all dressed-up. Man, this chick has got you whipped," Joey commented and turned his attention to the content of their fridge.

"Yeah, well, I'm taking her to a fancy restaurant so…" he trailed off as an explanation for his attire.

"No way! Monica is getting ready too, said she's going out with some guy from work?" Joey told him and Chandler momentarily choked on his own saliva. "Hey, maybe you'll both end up in the same place! Wouldn't that be a weird coincidence?"

Chandler thanked God that Joey was so dense. "Such a weird coincidence," he agreed sarcastically.

"Well," Joey said, putting on his coat, getting ready to leave again. Probably due to the lack of edible food in their fridge. "You're looking good dude, and you're a great guy. So stop overthinking it, alright?"

Chandler nodded and smiled at his best friend when he waved him goodbye.

 _"Stop overthinking it."_

* * *

Chandler shifted in his seat for what felt like the hundredth time tonight. He was very aware of Monica's eyes on him, probably looking puzzled at her boyfriend's strange behavior.

Chandler stopped moving and shot her what he hoped was his most convincing smile. He took the time to look at her. She was wearing that red dress that looked so good on her, it made him go crazy. She let her hair hang loose, reaching down to her shoulder now. She was letting it grow out and Chandler thought she looked even better than what he'd had imagined. She was the prettiest woman in the world and Chandler could not believe the chance he had to be able to call her his.

This was the perfect setting. The restaurant was very romantic, with the dimmed lights and the flowers on the tables. Jazz music was playing, but not loud enough to hinder any conversation. If Chandler wanted to do this right, this was definitely the way to go.

Still, he was panicking. He tried to be rational, and reminded himself that technically, _technically_ , he had done it before. Sure, the first time had not been face to face and he had been a bit hammered and, well, the second time was more of a spur of the moment, something unintentional.

This time, it felt too real and it felt like everything could go wrong.

"So, um," Monica began, avoiding Chandler's eyes. "The food is great."

"Yes, the food!" Chandler replied, thankful that someone managed to break the silence. "The food is really good!"

Monica nodded slowly before setting her fork. Carefully, her hands reached Chandler's shaky and sweaty ones and she gave them a squeeze. "Are you alright?" she asked.

"Me? I'm aces," he answered, and really? Aces? Chandler couldn't even remember one single time he ever uttered that word before.

"Are you sure? You seem… weird," she told him and Chandler raised an eyebrow. "Well, weirder than usual," she clarified.

Chandler took a deep breath in, calming his nerves. He would do it. He would man up and tell her how he felt. There was nothing scary about that, they were just two adults in an adult relationship and someday or another, one was bound to start feeling some… love.

He opened his mouth, ready to blurt the truth but Monica was quicker.

"I mean, look at you!" she waved in his direction. "You're shaking and sweaty and you barely touched your food. You've been clearing your throat all night like you were about to say something, but we've barely exchanged a couple words."

She was right. He hadn't listened to Joey and he overthought this and now he ruined their date night _and_ his confession of undying love. He grabbed his glass of water, hoping to soothe his dry mouth.

"Honestly," she continued, chuckling to herself. "If I didn't know you, I would have thought you were about to propose!"

Chandler choked on his water as soon as the words left her mouth, but he suddenly recognized how foolish he must have looked.

That was not the perfect setting at all. Of course it was romantic and the food was good and Monica loved this place, but this was way too serious. This was a whole other level. He wanted to tell her he loved her, he did, but he realized he had to wait until the timing was right.

And Chandler didn't doubt the perfect timing would come, but it was not right now.

So he smiled, and this time he was the one to reach for Monica's hands. He wasn't sweating anymore and he wasn't shaking. He was just having a romantic dinner with the woman he loved.

"You're right, I'm sorry," he sighed. "What do you say we start over?" he proposed and was rewarded with Monica's bright grin. "Hey gorgeous, you look breathtaking tonight," he flirted, content to finally make Monica laugh.

This felt right, but Chandler knew that when the right moment would come, he'd be ready. Until then, he would just have to keep on making Monica happy.

* * *

A/N: Thanks you guys for the amazing reviews and to everyone who welcomed me to the fandom. I'm really glad I discovered this great community. I'm still trying to figure out how everything works on ff but feel free to message me about anything. And I've finally managed to include the rest of the gang, hope you enjoyed it!


	4. Number Four

_IV. Whisper it into her hair in the middle of the night, after you've counted the space between her breaths and are certain she's asleep. Shut your eyes quickly when she shifts toward you in askance. Maybe you were just sleep whispering._

* * *

"Hey," Monica whispered, kissing his cheek.

They were lying in Chandler's bed, and the room was dark as it was getting late. Chandler checked his bedside table to find the numbers 11:47 glowing in red. He sighed. He knew this meant that Monica would try to sneak out soon to get back to her place. She told Chandler earlier this week that she had a feeling Rachel was getting suspicious and that made her nervous, but still, Chandler hated watching her leave. He discovered in the past few months that he slept better with Monica in his arms.

They had just spent a wonderful evening and as much as Chandler enjoyed having sexual intercourse with his girlfriend, he realised that he enjoyed cuddling in the afterglow just as much, if not more. His past girlfriends used to reproach him with his fear of commitment but with Monica, it was different. He could be himself because she knew him, there were no surprises there. Still, Chandler was more than happy to amaze her when he admitted that he liked this new intimacy that the two of them shared. He had come a long way.

"Hey," Chandler answered softly, his hand gently stroking her hair.

"I wanted to apologize for what I said," she rolled over to prop her chin up on Chandler's chest, looking at him through her eyelashes. Chandler frowned, dropping his hand from her head to squeeze her shoulder.

"Apologize?" he asked, not understanding what she had to be sorry for.

"When I said you were a suck-up because you laughed at your boss' jokes. I'm sorry," she explained and Chandler smiled.

"You were right, though," Chandler admitted. "I mean, his jokes are lame! I am way funnier than that clown," he stated with confidence but then quickly shifted to worry when Monica didn't say a thing and just looked at him amused. "I am funnier, right?"

"You are the funniest," she declared, a huge grin on her face as she leaned in for a kiss. "And I have so much respect for you, whether or not you laugh at Doug's stupid with that irritating sound coming out of your mouth," she reassured him.

"You wanna know how I came up with that laugh?" Chandler asked, mischief in his eyes. He smiled smugly. "Janice."

Monica groaned, which made Chandler laugh as he hugged her closer to him, pressing a kiss on top of her head. "I knew that sounded familiar," she complained.

They laid in a comfortable silence for a while, just listening to the other's heartbeat. Chandler was absentmindedly tracing patterns on the skin of Monica's back. It was well past midnight and Chandler could tell she was getting sleepy.

"I should go," she said quietly after a while and Chandler's heart sunk as she pulled away.

"You could stay," he proposed, his voice too hopeful. He watched as she slipped into a tank top, her hair a mess and he could swear he'd never seen someone as beautiful before.

"Chandler," she sighed. He didn't even try to hide the fact that he was disappointed.

"Come on," he pleaded, grabbing her waist and pulling her back down to the bed, kissing the side of her neck. He was delighted to hear her giggle as he pressed his fingers into her sides, where he knew it would tickle. "It's late."

"But Rachel —"

"Is probably asleep right now, just like Joey. You can sleep here and go back home tomorrow morning, God knows Joey won't be up."

"But isn't Rachel gonna ask questions?"

"She'll ask questions anyway, just say you had a date and spent the night with the guy," Chandler tried to convince her and he knew she was hesitating now.

"It's not totally a lie," Monica reasoned, and Chandler smiled.

"No, it's just not the complete truth," he agreed.

She was silent for a moment and Chandler could only imagine her debating the whole thing in her head. Eventually, she shrugged. "Okay, I'll stay here tonight," she decided and slipped back under the covers next to Chandler.

Chandler grinned when she snuggled up against his side, wrapping her arm around him and resting her head on his chest. He nuzzled her hair, feeling so warm and happy to spend a couple extra hours with her.

"This is nice," he sighed contentedly and Monica slowly nodded in agreement.

"I like you like this," Monica quietly told him.

Chandler raised a questioning eyebrow. "As opposed to?"

He felt Monica smile against his skin. "I always like you, you dumbass. You're funny, you're smart —"

"And cute," he added. She giggled.

" _And_ cute," she agreed. "But that's the Chandler everyone knows."

"Everyone finds me cute? Really?" he asked doubtfully.

"Well, I find you cute and that should be enough mister," Monica replied and Chandler chuckled.

"There we go," he said as he kissed the top of Monica's head.

"But I like you like this because that's the Chandler _only I_ get to see," she continued and Chandler felt his own heart rate pick up.

"Yeah? And what's he like?"

Monica started to distractedly stroke Chandler's chest. "He's sweet. He's caring. He strokes my hair and he kisses my nose. He always knows what to say to make me feel better."

Chandler suddenly felt very warm. He was very aware of his own heartbeat and wondered if Monica could hear it as clearly as he did. He hoped not. To Chandler, it seemed like a confession of love was on its way and he didn't know how to react. He had been fretting about it in the past couple of weeks, with the vocal message, the sex incident, and the restaurant debacle. It was always on his mind and yet, the timing never seemed right.

He feared if Monica told him she loved him, the words would get stuck in his throat. This was _not_ how he had envisioned it.

"He's the one who kills the spiders in my kitchen," Monica's voice brought him out of his internal panic. "And when he holds me, that's when I feel the safest."

"Monica," he murmured, at a loss for words.

"I know it's cheesy," she yawned. "But I'm glad that these things are just ours."

"It's sweet," Chandler told her for lack of anything better to say. It was so much more than just sweet: Chandler had the feeling that she had worn her heart out on her sleeve and his mind was still clouded by this unbelievable happiness he felt deep in his bones.

This love.

"We should really get to sleep," Monica yawned again.

"Yeah," Chandler agreed quietly but his mind was reeling. He knew there was no way he'd be falling asleep anytime now.

Instead, he kissed Monica goodnight and watched her as she closed her eyes, her face soft and peaceful. She was still cuddling him and unlike when he was with Janice, he never wanted her to let go. He didn't care about the hair in his face or the fact that he'd probably wake up with a numb arm as long as he got to hold her close. He didn't care if he'd have to kill all the spiders in the world, he'd do it as long as she was his.

In the silence of his room, he listened to the calming sound of her breath. He watched, as hypnotized, the rise and fall of her chest. He counted the seconds, one, two, three, between each breath, and noticed when three turned to four and four to six. Chandler didn't know how long he spent just watching her sleep in his arms but when he saw her eyelids flutter, he found himself wondering what she was dreaming about. If she was dreaming of him.

"Mon," he sighed quietly, barely audible to his own ears. "I've never been as happy as when I'm with you."

When he was met with silence, he took it as his cue to continue.

"I just want you to know that I'll always care about you. I'll always run my fingers through your hair and I'll always kiss your cute little nose. I'll always come running to save you from those spiders and I swear I'll always try my best to make you feel better."

He watched her again, her face beautiful and serene and Chandler thought that was the way it should be. He never wanted to see her upset or sad. She didn't deserve it.

"I love you," he murmured into the night, a certain weight lifted off his chest. "I love you, Monica."

Monica suddenly moved towards him, throwing Chandler into panic mode again as he quickly shut his eyes, pretending to sleep.

Because while sleeping, he knew he couldn't stop himself from telling her. When he slept, his subconscious took control and God only knew Monica was the one thing always on his mind.


End file.
